The Tequila Den

Combines the world of Tequila with Games.

Tag Archives: life

I’m the best procrastinator…

Most days I come home, grab a beverage from the fridge and plop myself up on the couch and recline my feet. I need to have more drive in my life. More goals. There is one thing I know I want in my life and that is a house, a real house. One with a garage.

I recently built a set of permanent shelves in a place where a door used to be and I really enjoy wood working except the fact that all the necessary tools are scattered about and I don’t have a pleasing workplace. It makes me frustrated and un-involved.

I also want a new truck.

I don’t really know for sure if I want to continue with my profession, it doesn’t make me happy. It makes my account happy, but doesn’t make me happy. I’m at a crossroads for sure. Frustrated.

I bring a lot of this indecisiveness to my ability to game-make as well. I used to have a set goal when I was working on anything Sphere related, I took the baby steps to accomplish a task. I saw a direction. I worked on a system that I didn’t have/needed or something that needed updating. I now just stare at a screen. Most recently, the lap top stays closed, sometimes days on end.

At a peak of frustration, trying to find the proper motivation.

Dream, dream bigger.

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Sometimes I waste my time…

I had to head out of town for a few days last week and for whatever reason, my cohort, decided to pick up a rubix cube from Best Buy. I was a bit puzzled as to why he decided to nab one up, but I was intrigued to say the least. Now, I’ve had one in the past and probably have one kicking around in the closet unsolved this very minute. Anyways, after a lot of pissing around and jealousy of this cube, I had to go get one. I spent the ride back to my home town watching youtube videos on how to solve it, and after a couple of days, boom… what I thought to be impossible, became the possible.After some practice it became second nature and it has become second nature to me. I never would have thought I would have learned how to do a rubix cube, but hey, at 35, I finally know now.

In other life news, I’ve recently finished reading two books, albeit, part of a series, but that’s a huge accomplishment in my life. I rarely read books unless I’m in Mexico, which is why I read two, I was in Mexico.

It’s been a great read so far, I’ve knocked off the first couple over the course of a week, Aftermath and Life Debt, currently working Empire’s End after a short stint re-reading the first by accident. (it was Mexico, I wasn’t sober most of the time.)

Dev news… well, not much to report really, still half heart-idly work on the new revision of Traders, and of course Mouse hasn’t moved a whole lot since I’ve left in a hiatus, but I’m currently making a bit more robust in terms of resolution as I thinking of going to more of an old school lower resolution feel, thus easing a bunch of the artistic restrictions that I have.

I’m hoping to find that drive once again and truly push through these laziness barriers that keep popping up… ugh!

Tick, tick, boom…

I’m not sure what it is… I sit on the couch nearly everyday and usually at some time in the night/day I’ll pop open my lap top and make my way to notepad++ and sphere. I’ll just stare at it, read a little bit, test a game, and just … piss around. I won’t actually progress at all. I’m daunted by what I got to do. I’m at the point where I need to do art and I literally hate it. I’ve come to the conclusion that I’ll basically just start editing current available tiles from other games and in term, hopefully piece something together. But I have no desire to do it.

I’m frustrated and I’m losing motivation. The worst part is that I decided to start combing through some of the code and altering some of the dialogue behavior, then I broke it. And I’m mad, and well grr…

Yea, I don’t know what I’m doing anymore, I’m just frustrated.

The woes of life…

Its funny sometimes when you literally just become blank to the world. Just totally daydream and just miss things. I kind of known, but definitely forgot about the Star Wars series I’ve been reading by Chuck Wendig, well apparently it’s a three part series and I remember about 1/2 a year ago I went ahead and picked up one of the books, not currently realizing that it is part of a set. I left it on the back burner for sometime simply because I’m not much of an avid reader and I was already in the midst of reading Thrawn.

The power had just gone out and after fetching a couple of battery lights to illuminate the living room I decided to dive back in the book. For whatever reason I flipped to the last couple of pages and recalled seeing the series of books. And by my collection of luck, of course I’m reading book 2 of 3. Perfect. So I neglected it and kept reading on.

I dropped the book after that night and decided the next time we’re on a trip out of the city to a larger one that I could find the remaining two books, I’ll snatch them up and attempt to read them in order. That day finally came on Sunday. Now, I’m trying to make time to read at least a couple of chapters every day or two, and currently, I’m one for one. I’m pretty damn awesome. From what I’ve read so far, its nice to actually get some introductions to some of the characters that I’ve already read about. Fascinating stuff.

Scratch off Concrete laborer to the list of jobs I wish not to hold. I was helping out a friend the other day and it was hot, the shit was heavy and it was just a pain in the ass. Although I’ve been told that it was a bad day and wheel barrow-ing is the worst/hardest way to do it. Understandably, of course.

My back hurts, my fingers have some really nice callouses now and I got sun burnt. All around, it was a terrible experience.

Mining for gold…

No, this post isn’t about picking my own nose, although, it has happened in the past, it’s not the point and it isn’t this post. After being incredibly lazy the last few days and scouring the internet, mainly facebook and pinterest, a few items keep popping up on my feed.

Pokemon cards.

Odd yes, considering I haven’t searched online for anything of the sort, but for some reason “Charmeleon” keeps showing up and putting up a scary price tag, $5000US. Which is crazy I might add. So today, I spent the majority of my day trying to figure out what makes it so special, although I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t have the right card, I had to dig some more, naturally of course. I watched a couple of YouTube videos to spot the differences between the good ones and the regular ones, to my demise, I don’t have the right ones, although I have some that aren’t listed in the rare, could be of some value, but I stopped searching soon after.

I started thinking back to the time where I moved away from the city and needed to downsize my possessions and one of the casualties was my card collections. You see, back in the day, mainly middle-school, late elementary, I used to play a lot of CCGs, (you may notice the CCG [Collectible Card Game] tab on top), mainly playing Overpower, Magic, Star Wars (surprise!), and finally, Pokemon. Point being, I decided (at the time), to simply toss what I believed to be common cards away, or ones I found, not worthy or useless. I believe now I might have thrown a couple thousand dollars away now, oops.

Anyways…

I’ve been periodically opening text documents and jotting down thoughts and ideas for a game, I’m trying to find a particular motivation to kick my ass in gear and start scripting again. Problem is, I tend to lack planning out a project and guide it to success. The only reason Canasta and Traders got released is that a board game is already planned out, it has set rules, graphics and game play, so it’s rather easy to proceed.

So once more I’m sitting here with a semi-blank screen with only a hand full of text to be shown. Unfortunately most of the ideas put down are of my inspirations, mainly Destiny & Star Wars. Then, the rest of it is mainly information such as debating puzzles versus dungeons, levels and experiences, sandbox and plat-former.

Basically what I want to make is a open world Star Wars game that is similar to style Destiny portrays but obviously with some differences, mainly my debate being single player versus multiplayer. This decision is huge as it alters and hinges so many other decisions in terms of making the game.

Oh dilemmas.

Mixed emotions…

I’ve won the lottery!

 

 

 

 

Of excess free time. FML.

I’ve been welcomed back to the unemployment line, a line I’ve been fairly familiar with the past couple of years. I’m a bit beyond frustration, just thinking I’m still sitting in the circling in the box of disbelief. I’m not really sure what to think anymore. Honestly thought this wouldn’t happen again, I finally thought I got my last job.

Over the past couple of days I’ve been thinking of my future, been thinking of what do I want to do next, I’ve been leaning towards leaving the profession and trying something else. The once secure profession I had thought I joined seems to be a thing of the past, I believe I’m honestly done with the insecurities of it and want something particularly more concrete, more permanent foundation.

I’m also starting to realize I’m not that young anymore, I’m getting old.   It’s heartbreaking. I remember going out golfing and swinging out of my ass, pounding the ball down the fairway. I recall the times that my 8-iron would pop out 160 yards, somewhat easily I might add. I’m lucky to hit 140, on a good day.

My habits have changed, I feel like I’m turning into an old man who looks out his window and yells at the kids to get the fuck off his lawn. My body aches when I wake up in the morning. I’m contempt with staying in on a Friday/Saturday night just relaxing. It feels like forever ago when it was a supreme chore to roll myself out of bed in the morning to hit the links, I was in good fortune to make my tee time. Now, I’m up well before, sometimes because I have to pee, and I have time to practice. Practice. We’re talking about practice. Practice, man. My thoughts have changed with golfing in general. I’m more of a smart golfer, a course manager. I tend to avoid penalties and take the safer route, a lot more conservative. I never used to look ahead, now I’m thinking at least a shot ahead, if not 2, and its made me better.

I’m thinking ahead now, more than ever before, I just think its time to do what is right, for my mind and more importantly, my body.

Sorry for the long ramble, its had to get out somewhere.

Jedi live on…

I hustled out of the house on my day off to snap up a copy of this great title. As most of you know, I’m a huge Star Wars fan, and this is definitely one of my favorites in the series. They’re the only DVDs (Blu-ray), that I buy now a days, and I definitely get my use out of them.

I put it on this afternoon as soon as I could get the cellophane off the cover. It definitely didn’t give me the chills of a new Star Wars movie like it did in the theater, although, I was pre-occupied with Sphere (yes, I had it open, and I was working!).  I still thoroughly enjoyed it, as per usual.

My only beef with the movie is that it doesn’t answer any questions about anything, except to add more speculation about Rey’s parents and who the hell is Snoke. Maybe episode nine… (insert eye rolling smiley here).

….

I’ve spent the better part of the last few days re-factoring and modifying Traders to make the code a little more versatile in terms of structure and being able to move things freely and a lot easier.. ly? Ha. After I’ve gone through this mess I have a couple of mini-projects to complete with it. First I’m going to add in a few more maps to the system, I’ve already test ran the MapMaker again and added in a new one, fixed a few things, after adding more maps though, I’m going to officially add boats to the game (framework basically there, just need some testing), then gold mines will be brought (fully) into the fold.

So here’s my itinerary:
– Finish re-factoring
– Add more maps (~5)
– Boats
– Gold Mines
– Rolling to see who starts (axed it before 1.0, made it simply random to see who goes first)
–  Bank trade reworking (multiple demands/offers, smarter trades)
– Hot keys/short cuts
– Better number placements (avoid 6’s & 8’s near each other, and like numbers beside each other)

Features on the docket:
– Barbarian attack (Cities & Knights)
– discover-able land & Gain resource
– Cities & Knights play mode
– Columbus Point (Seafarers)
– Fixing numbers (MapMaker)
– Bots (AI)
– Real lobby

So that’s where I’m at with Sphere, currently I don’t have any plans to continue with Mouse or Canasta at this time, but they are not thrown away as of now, I just don’t have the time to continue all the projects I’ve started.

The crazy life of a crazy person…

Autopilot. I think that’s the only term that can be relatively appropriate applied to my list of excuses for the past… (waiting for the website to load [holy shit]), six months of inactivity.

I’ve been on autopilot.

I’ve been harnessed to a bit of a routine that saw a lot of driving back and forth for work, to the same shitty atmosphere and basically feeling like I’m in a jail per say. Working long hours are physically demanding and draining. Not to mention how mentally fatiguing it can be as well. So between working an insane amount I’ve also been incorporated in ice hockey, volleyball and ball hockey, which literally eats into all of my time. This honestly felt the busiest during the winter that I’ve ever been and it drained me to the bone.

I used to love dicking around on the laptop, meaninglessly scoring information and playing games. Now, I come home and barely open my laptop, and if I was, it would of been for work emails or financials. My friends and I would play XBOX all the time and that has been limited considerably. I miss my free time, a lot.

So why now?

Two sports’ seasons have come to a fold and time is getting a lot better, although due to the nature of my job could come crashing back down the same course, but until then, I can give my crafting skills some much due attention.

STOP THE PRESS… I’VE OPENED SPHERE!!

Yea, it’s true, and I’ve been a bit vigilant about it the last couple of weeks. Although nothing really has come of my dealings, a lot of my dabbles have been in familiarity and coherence to Traders. I felt coming back to this was a great start because of my passion for Catan and gives me the ability (if I finish 2.0) to try new things and structures in our real life games.

Wish me luck!

Starring into the screen….

I can’t even count how many times I’ve fired up the computer to just simply look at the desktop. I’ve literally got nearly zero motivation to really accomplish much of anything. It’s quite tragic. I’ve thought about rambling off about a few topics to sneak up a couple of articles, but to no avail (obviously). I’ve even scratched down a few ideas on my phone as to game ideas, certain story points, lists for this and that, but, that’s where they’ve stayed. I’m really fearing that my time as a “game developer” may be drawing to a simple, unfinished end. That terrifies me. What happened to that drive? Is it really all of my indecisiveness that has caused this? Could I be that fucking lazy? Possible fear of rejection?

I think it is because I see it as a huge daunting undertaking. And that is a brutal thought. I get the same feeling when I start to read a book. I see all the pages and I go… eww… no. Same thing happens when I start up with the NHL series on xBox, (NHL 18 this time around,) I always think of starting a new Be a Pro or franchise mode and go… 82 games… yikes. No thanks.

So does it simply come down to time?

Partially, yes.

Particularly, no.

I’ve made time before. I can simply find time to do this. I know I can. I literally sit on the couch for 4-5 a night doing nothing but watch TV. Stop being a lazy ass.

A new day…

Kind of redundant, because everyday is a new day, but today feels a bit different. I feel a bit more motivated today but I also anchored with a bit more defeat. I have a strong urge to accomplish a few things but lack the will to start them. It’s an odd sensation. The past ten months have been a complete and utter challenge mentally and with the recent passing of four months of unemployment, you start to question your own abilities. Everything really compounds exponentially and quite easily I might add.

What’s on tap?

I haven’t touched Mouse or its imaginary counterpart in a long time. The biggest obstacle in the game is simply the art (update on this near the end of this post). A believe I released Canasta a bit prematurely, without the polish I had desired, this will eventually be corrected in due time, but for now, it’s on the back-burner indefinitely. Traders was released over two years ago… (wait, what??!?!?). I didn’t realize it was that long ago. A plan is in the works to work on a 1.5/2,0 release in the near(ish) future.

Currently I’m scripting and planing an adventure in our IRL Star Wars RP campaign that we had started a couple weeks ago. Currently I have a page splashed with ideas and minor things that I’ve come up. Now I’m just deciding what main adversary they will encounter over the next while and ideas where they can find some of their Jedi training. So many possibilities.

As with being off work for the past four months, I’ve found a spare tire. Unfortunately, that spare tire is attached to my mid-section and its could currently replace a small trailer’s tire in case of a blow out on the highway. So, it’s time to nix this before it becomes a replacement for a tractor tire, the bigger rear ones, not the smaller steering wheels. Anyways, I’ve embarked on a 28 (not sure why 28, seems like an odd (err… ) number) days planking challenge, which seems simple enough, but it only takes a few minutes out of the day to do so. Which brings me to my next challenge…

Hour a day. Yea, I know I’ve attempted something similar in the past, but hey, how are you going to get any better without a hair bit of failure? So, off I go again. I’m not sure if I’m going to blog about it every day, but if I’m home all day anyways, I might as well be a bit productive.

I still can’t believe it’s been 2 years since I released Traders… Fack.