April 29, 2019
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Most days I come home, grab a beverage from the fridge and plop myself up on the couch and recline my feet. I need to have more drive in my life. More goals. There is one thing I know I want in my life and that is a house, a real house. One with a garage.
I recently built a set of permanent shelves in a place where a door used to be and I really enjoy wood working except the fact that all the necessary tools are scattered about and I don’t have a pleasing workplace. It makes me frustrated and un-involved.
I also want a new truck.
I don’t really know for sure if I want to continue with my profession, it doesn’t make me happy. It makes my account happy, but doesn’t make me happy. I’m at a crossroads for sure. Frustrated.
I bring a lot of this indecisiveness to my ability to game-make as well. I used to have a set goal when I was working on anything Sphere related, I took the baby steps to accomplish a task. I saw a direction. I worked on a system that I didn’t have/needed or something that needed updating. I now just stare at a screen. Most recently, the lap top stays closed, sometimes days on end.
At a peak of frustration, trying to find the proper motivation.
Dream, dream bigger.
February 9, 2019
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I’m not sure what it is… I sit on the couch nearly everyday and usually at some time in the night/day I’ll pop open my lap top and make my way to notepad++ and sphere. I’ll just stare at it, read a little bit, test a game, and just … piss around. I won’t actually progress at all. I’m daunted by what I got to do. I’m at the point where I need to do art and I literally hate it. I’ve come to the conclusion that I’ll basically just start editing current available tiles from other games and in term, hopefully piece something together. But I have no desire to do it.
I’m frustrated and I’m losing motivation. The worst part is that I decided to start combing through some of the code and altering some of the dialogue behavior, then I broke it. And I’m mad, and well grr…
Yea, I don’t know what I’m doing anymore, I’m just frustrated.
January 31, 2016
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This pretty much sums it up.
Between Netflix and playing Final Fantasy VII on my laptop, I haven’t really done anything. I think I’ve even went into reverse mode. I figured I should start mapping areas, before I map anything I need to create tiles. So I made a few (read: little) tiles of bookcases and a little bit of flooring then I went to tackle walls. That’s when destruction mode came about.
I went back to a small bit of intro I had created and checked out what style I was doing for the walls as I was going to a bit of a hybrid between Legend of Zelda and …. something completely different. I love LoZ’s style because I like seeing all four borders and makes some technical challenges a bit easier. I also find it relatively hard to replicate it (and made it look anything decent) without reverting to a 8-bit graphic style. It just never looks right. With that said, I ended up pissing around trying to make it proper again. But failed. Got frustrated. Quit.
So, instead, I’m playing FF7. I’ve beat the game numerous times but I never really bothered with getting everything, limit breaks, the American weapons and all the enemy skills, let alone mastering all the materia. But wow, have I poured time into the game. I nearly have everything mastered and only missing a couple Level 4 limit breaks. I’m a turd. Tell me to get back to Mouse.
July 10, 2014
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I was meandering through some old projects and some old code thinking it’d help throw up some motivation. It made me want to re-write a few things. I was skimming through Canasta mainly and really thought it was terrible. I left it alone for the time being. Regardless, I started it up and wanted to see what it could do. Then I had to turn it off.
I forgot the controls. I put in a bunch of hot-keys to mimic certain actions to ease the game-play for the user and make it a lot more friendly, or so I thought. I don’t even recall wiring ‘D’ for discarding. Then I had to figure out how the ‘W’ key worked.
I figure I’ve wrote over 6000 lines of code in the two projects, Canasta & Traders, and both of which lay dormant. I’ll finish, one day or another… I’ll finish… something.